AHS Principal's News : Ashland Raises Happy and Healthy Kids

6/8/18:

Ways to Nurture a Child’s Mental Health

There are many things you can do to cultivate your child’s mental health. Children need adults to be present in their lives, treat them with respect, and model healthy behaviors and ways to handle emotions.

Actively listen before offering your advice.
Surround them with healthy adults.
Teach them how to be safe.
Use open ended questions.
Model forgiveness.
Be present.
Have scheduled family time.
Be patient.
Share your feelings and validate theirs.
Limit electronic time for everyone.
Respond calmly when their emotions are elevated.
Make play and exercise a requirement.
Tell the truth.
Be consistent and follow through with what you promise.
Practice relaxation exercises together.
Recognize positive choices.
Set and respect boundaries.

5/25/18:

Identifying symptoms of ADD and ADHD

Many people think of ADHD and picture a young boy who cannot sit still. In fact there are three groups of symptoms in both adults and children with ADD/ADHD: Inattention, Hyperactivity and Impulsivity.

Inattention

You might not notice it until a child goes to school. In adults, it may be easier to notice at work or in social situations. The person might procrastinate, not complete tasks like homework or chores, or frequently move from one uncompleted activity to another.

They might also:

Be disorganized
Lack focus
Have a hard time paying attention to details and a tendency to make careless mistakes. Their work might be messy and seem careless.
Have trouble staying on topic while talking, not listening to others, and not following social rules
Be forgetful about daily activities (for example, missing appointments, forgetting to bring lunch)
Be easily distracted by things like trivial noises or events that are usually ignored by others.

Hyperactivity

Kids with hyperactivity may:

Fidget and squirm when seated.
Get up frequently to walk or run around.
Run or climb a lot when it's not appropriate. (In teens this may seem like restlessness.)
Have trouble playing quietly or doing quiet hobbies
Always be "on the go"
Talk excessively

Toddlers and pre-schoolers tend to be constantly in motion, jumping on furniture and having trouble participating in group activities that call for them to sit still. For instance, they may have a hard time listening to a story. Hyperactivity can show up as feelings of restlessness in teens and adults.

Impulsivity

Symptoms of impulsivity include:

Impatience
Having a hard time waiting to talk or react
Have a hard time waiting for their turn.
Blurting out answers before someone finishes asking them a question.
Frequently interrupt or intrude on others. This often happens so much that it causes problems in social or work settings.
Start conversations at inappropriate times.

Talk with your doctor or pediatrician if you identify the above symptoms in yourself or your child. ADD/ADHD can be treated with therapy, learning strategies and organization skills, and sometimes medication.

5/11/18:

The phrase I have heard most this past week is, “May is so busy!”. We’re almost there, folks! Five and a half weeks until school ends. We can make it if we do a couple small things each day to take care of ourselves.

Make dinner easier. Grill, make pasta salads, or sandwiches. These can all be made quickly with healthy ingredients.
Move your body every day. Exercise boosts endorphins, increases energy, and reduces anxiety. You don’t need to run 5 miles every day, just try to move your body for 20 minutes every day. Go for a walk after dinner or early in the morning, play soccer with your kids, dance in the kitchen, jump rope - do something you enjoy
Teacher gifts do not need to be Pinterest worthy. Don’t stress yourself out making, or finding, the perfect gifts for teachers/coaches/instructors. What they really want is a heartfelt note from your child/family.
Call a friend. Chatting and laughing with a friend can immediately make you feel less stressed.
Relax for 20 minutes every day. Take a bath, do yoga, read a book, meditate, watch a tv show with your spouse or kids.
Hug your kids. Your kids are only this age, in this grade in school, once. Enjoy this time.

5/4/18:

Healthy Sleep Habits for Kids of All Ages

Maintain a consistent sleep schedule – Your child's bedtime and wake up time should be about the same every day of the week, regardless if it is a school day or not.
Exercise daily – Have your child make exercise part of his or her daily routine.
Don't go to bed hungry – Make sure your child doesn't go to bed hungry. Provide a light snack such as a glass of milk, a piece of fruit, or cereal and milk.
Avoid caffeinated products – Your child should avoid products that contain caffeine in the late afternoon/evening. Be aware caffeine-containing products include iced-tea, some sports drinks, and chocolate.
Plan up to 1 hour of quiet time before bed – Before bedtime every night, allow your child to set aside up to 1 hour for calm, enjoyable activities, such as listening to quiet music or reading a book. This means NO SCREENS!
Maintain a bedtime routine - This may include taking a shower or bath, brushing teeth, reading outloud or silently, saying prayers or a statement of gratitude, and a hug and kiss goodnight.
Take phones/ipods out of kids' rooms when they go to bed- The buzzing, vibration and lights of texts and notifications can disrupt sleep.

4/27/18:

How to talk with your children about difficult news

With the prevalence of social media and the 24/7 news cycle, children are exposed to traumatic news events regularly no matter how much parents or teachers try to keep the "bad things" away. Instead of shielding children from the dangers, violence or tragedies around us, adults should talk to kids about what is happening. The conversation may not be easy, but taking a proactive stance and discussing difficult events in age-appropriate language can help a child feel safer and more secure. As much as adults may try to avoid difficult topics, children often learn or know when something sad or scary happens. If adults don’t talk to them about it, a child may misinterpret the event or misunderstand adults’ silence. So, be the first to bring up the difficult topic. When parents tackle difficult conversations, they let their children know that they are available and supportive.

Think about what you want to say. Some advanced planning may make the discussion easier. You won’t have to think about it off the top of your head.

Find a quiet moment. Choose a time and place where your children can be the center of your attention. Find out what they know. Ask them "What have you heard about this?" And then listen. Listen. Listen. And listen more. Often what concerns them is different than what concerns you.

Share your feelings with your child. It is ok to acknowledge your feelings with your children. They see you are human. Be a role model. This applies to emotions, too.

Tell the truth. Lay out the facts at a level they can understand. You do not need to give graphic details. For young children, you may need to have the conversation about what death means (no longer feel anything, not hungry, thirsty, scared, or hurting; we will never see them again, but can hold their memories in our hearts and heads).

Say, "I don’t know." Sometimes the answer to the question is "I don’t know." "Why did the bad people do this?" "I don’t know" is an ok answer.

Above all, reassure. At the end of the conversation, reassure your children that you will do everything you know how to do to keep them safe and to watch out for them. Reassure them that you will always be available to answer any questions or talk about this topic again. Reassure them that they are loved.

Attached is some guidance on Talking to Your Children about Violence

4/20/18:

Local resources when seeking mental health treatment

Seeking out effective health care can be confusing and time consuming. This can often be even more difficult when looking for the right mental health treatment for yourself or a family member. Below are a few tips to help navigate this process:

Start at your child’s school. We are very lucky here in Ashland to have one school counselor for every grade, that is rare. If you are worried about your child’s emotional health, start by contacting their school counselor. These professionals can help out with resources needed to help your child at school and can refer you to outside providers.
Talk to your child’s pediatrician. Many pediatrician offices have mental health professionals on-site. They often do short term therapy (typically up to 8 sessions), and assessment and referrals for the members of the practice. They can be an excellent resource for your family.
Contact your insurance company. Insurance company websites have lists of providers broken down by licensure (MD, RN, LICSW, LMHC) and geographic location so you can contact providers in your area who accept your insurance.
See if your company has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Many companies have an EAP benefit for employees that connects you with a counselor (usually over the phone) who can help refer you to local mental health providers. EAP’s often provide legal, child care, and elder care help as well. Look into this often underutilized benefit!
Be patient. It often takes many phone calls to secure appointments with mental health providers. Set aside the time to dedicate to this task to reduce frustration.
Remember that everyone is different. Just because your best friend’s daughter loves a therapist does not mean your son will “click” with him/her. It is worth it to shop around and even set up appointments with a couple different providers to find the best fit.
In an emergency, go to an ER. If your loved one is a threat to him/herself or others, go to a hospital emergency department. They have mental health professionals who can do a psychiatric evaluation and refer to the appropriate level of care for treatment.

3/23/18:

Six Ways to Stop the Mental Illness Stigma

Stigma is one of the most challenging aspects of living with a mental health condition. It causes people to feel ashamed for something that is out of their control and prevents many from seeking the help they need. Stigma is not something that will go away on its own, but if we work together as a community, we can change the way we perceive mental illness in our society.

Talk openly about mental health.
Educate yourself and others about mental health.
Be conscious of your language. Try to not use word like psycho, lunatic or crazy when describing people.
Encourage equality in how people perceive physical illness and mental illness. If someone is diagnosed with cancer, friends and neighbors bring meals and gifts. If someone is being treated for a mental illness, people tend to avoid them rather than support them.
Push back against the way people who live with mental illness are portrayed in the media.
See the person, not the illness. A person with depression, Bipolar Disorder, any mental illness, is much, much more than their diagnosis.

3/16/18:

In her book iGen, Jean Twenge, PhD describes today’s kids as “less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy and completely unprepared for adulthood”. Each chapter of her book theorizes on the “why” of this, backed up by research comparing the current generation with past generations. Since every child currently in the Ashland schools is part of this generation, a few weeks of this column will cover each of Twenge’s chapters which she cleverly titles beginning with the letter “i”. These will be very general, broad overviews. I encourage you to read the book for more in-depth information.

Insecure: The New Mental Health Crisis

Although today’s teens stay in close touch with their friends via text, snapchat and other social media, they are lonelier than they were just five years ago. Technology can connect people but it can also show up-to-the-minute what they are missing out on. Kids are feeling left-out which then leads to feelings of loneliness. This loneliness can lead to depression. The number of teens who agreed with the phrase, “I feel like I can’t do anything right”, has skyrocketed since 2011. Social media might play a role in these feelings of inadequacy: many people only post their successes online so teens don’t realize that their friends fail at things too.

Rates of depression and anxiety have increased in high school and college students over the past five years. Could this be because more students are seeking help and talking about their mental health? Maybe. Could smartphones also be contributing to this? Maybe. It is fairly clear that texting and social media can cause heightened anxiety and insecurity in teens - wondering why someone did not answer a text or why they did not get “likes’ from certain people on Instagram; trying to take the “perfect” selfie to post. Anxiety can be a precursor to depression. Depression can lead to self-harm, eating disorders and suicide - all of which have increased in recent years.

Smart phone use is also likely contributing to teens getting less sleep than ever before.Teens admit that they are up until 2 or 3 am on their phones, hiding under their covers so their parents do not know. Fifty seven percent more teens were sleep-deprived in 2015 than in 1991. Sleep deprivation is linked to compromised thinking and reasoning, weight gain, high blood pressure, susceptibility to illness and depression and anxiety. It’s not just new moms or people who work 10-12 hours per day who are walking around sleep-deprived these days, it’s our children.

What can we, as parents, do?

It’s becoming fairly clear - encourage your children to put down their phones and do something else. Talk about the posts they see on social media, have discussions about how these posts make them feel. Encourage your children to talk about their feelings with a trusted adult. And, it bears repeating, do not allow your teens to keep their phones in their bedroom at night.

This sentence is a good summary: Like the ducks they imitate in their selfies, iGen’ers are calm and composed on the surface but paddling madly underneath.

3/2/18:

This week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses therefore prevention and recognition are vitally important.

Five Ways to Promote a Positive Body Image in Children

Focus on health, not weight. Concentrate on delicious nutrition and fun physical activity, rather than the number on the scale or the size on the clothing tags.
Compliment kids on what they do, not how they look.
Myth-Bust the "Perfect Body". Help your child become a savvy media critic by talking about what they see on television, in magazines and online. Help them understand that the pictures of models they see in ads and on social media may have been retouched or otherwise manipulated to appear "perfect”.
Discuss your child's struggles as they arise. Fight your knee-jerk reaction to immediately comfort your child and dismiss their concerns with comments such as, “No honey you're perfect”. Instead, respond with open-ended questions such as, “help me understand that comment” or “that surprises me, can you tell me more” in order to begin a dialogue about their concerns.
Be aware of how you talk about your own body. If you are criticizing your body or others, expect that your children will mirror this thinking. You are the first window through which they view the world.

2/16/18:

We felt it was appropriate this week to take a break from the iGen summaries and look at warning signs of violence. These are pulled from the Sandy Hook Promise Know the Signs program.

A strong fascination or obsession with firearms can be a warning sign.
Excessive study of firearms and mass shootings can mean a person is planning violence.
Exhibiting excessive over-reactions or aggressive behavior for a seemingly minor reason can signal someone who cannot self-regulate their emotions or control their anger.
Low commitment or aspirations toward school, or a sudden change in academic performance can be a sign that someone needs help.
Perpetrators of self-harm or violence towards others may be victims of long-term bullying and may have real or perceived feelings of being picked on or persecuted by others.
Extreme feelings of isolation or social withdrawal due to real or perceived actions of others can be a sign that someone is suffering.
Unsupervised and/or easy access to firearms, or bragging about access to firearms, can be a warning sign.
Making overt threats of violence (spoken, written, pictures on social media, videos, gestures) are signs that should not be ignored.

If you are ever worried about anyone, or your children are, please SAY SOMETHING.

2/9/18:

In Person No More: I’m With You But Only Virtually As I write this my son is on the PS4 playing a video game with four school friends and my daughter is FaceTiming a friend. This is how today’s kids socialize. Today’s generation is less likely to attend parties and socialize in person than previous generations. As one teen stated, “The party is constant, and it’s on Snapchat”. iGen teens are less likely to go to movies, hang out at the mall (my daughter seems to be the exclusion), drive around aimlessly together, or get together one-on-one or in small or big groups. Instead they communicate electronically.

At first glance this change seems positive - kids are not driving around with each other getting into accidents and are not partying (drinking) as much as previous generations did. Unfortunately, the rates of depression, loneliness and suicide have skyrocketed. Teens who spend more than three hours a day on electronic devices are 35% more likely to have at least one suicide risk factor. Forty six percent more teens killed themselves in 2015 than in 2007. One factor that is likely contributing to this rise in teen suicide is cyberbullying. Teens who are cyberbullied often say there is no way to get away from their tormentors - unless they give up their phones entirely.

Teens who visit social media sites every day are more likely to agree “I often feel lonely”, “I often feel left out of things”, and “I often wish I had more good friends”. They see kids doing things without them and they base their popularity and self-esteem on the number of “likes” or views on their posts. In contrast, those who spend more time with their friends or play sports are less lonely. It’s non-screen activities that help teens feel less alone, not social media.

There are certainly other factors that contribute to depression and suicide in teens (genetics, trauma, etc). And it is unrealistic to completely ban your teen from his/her phone and social media, after all this is how kids today socialize and we do not want them cut-off from their friends.

What can we, as parents, do?

Encourage your kids to have friends over, even just to “hang out” in person. When they do this, try to get them to spend at least some of that time off screens.
Offer to drive your kids and their friends to the mall or the movies or bowling or ice skating.
Make sure your kids have activities or sports that involve being with other kids in person.
When interacting with others, remind your children to look people in the eyes and put away their phones. They have less practice with social skills since so much of their socializing is virtual. Twenge writes, “In the next decade we may see more young people who know just the right emoji for a situation - but not the right facial expression”.

2/2/18:

Internet: Online Time-Oh, and Other Media Too Today’s high school seniors spend about six hours a day on screens (texting, internet,social media, gaming, video chat); 8th graders about five hours per day. Their phone screens are usually the last thing they see before they fall asleep and the first thing they see when they wake up. Ninety seven percent of 12th graders use social media at least sometimes. This is the new reality of teen social life: it’s conducted online. And phones are a constant presence in teen’s lives - while doing homework, trying to sleep, etc. - unless their phones are physically taken from them. One teen describes it: “The minute I start my homework I have to have my phone by me to see what my friends are texting, it’s like someone is constantly tapping you on the shoulder, and you have to look”. I can’t imagine homework is being done as well as it could be with this distraction.

One result of all this time teens spend on screens is a steep decline in reading books, magazines and newspapers. In the late 70’s about 65% of teens read for pleasure nearly every day. In 2015 that dropped to about 17% of teens reading daily for pleasure. For a generation raised to click on the next link or scroll to the next page within seconds, books just don’t hold their attention. Unfortunately, this could be contributing to lower SAT scores in writing and critical reading. iGen’ers’ academic skills lag behind their millenial predecessors’ by significant margins.

What can we, as parents, do?

Do not let children/teens have their phones in their rooms at night.
Take phones away from kids while they are studying and doing homework (or use an app that turns off apps at certain times of the day).
Encourage your kids to read daily. Help them find reading material that interests them - books about things they like to do or people they admire, magazines, graphic novels, comic strip books (my kids LOL when reading the ‘Zits’ and ‘Foxtrot’ comic strip books).

1/26/18:

In her book iGen, Jean Twenge, PhD describes today’s kids as “less rebellious, more tolerant, less happy and completely unprepared for adulthood”. Each of the ten chapters of her book theorizes on the “why” of this, backed up by research comparing the current generation with past generations. Since every child currently in the Ashland schools is part of this generation, the next ten weeks of this column will cover each of Twenge’s chapters which she cleverly titles beginning with the letter “i”. These will be very general, broad overviews. I encourage you to read the book for more in-depth information.

Today’s generation is In No Hurry: Growing Up Slowly. iGen teens are less likely than previous generations to go out without their parents. Research found that 12th graders in 2015 went out less than 8th graders did in 2009. Anecdotes from teens show that they feel they don't really need to see friends in person since they are in constant contact via texting and social media. Studies show that today’s teens are also getting their driver’s licenses later than previous generations and are less likely to have jobs outside the home. Today’s teens therefore are less likely to experience the freedom of being out without their parents and learning from their own decisions, both good and bad. They are also less likely to learn the skills, responsibility and money management that comes from a part-time or summer job.

As a result of going out less, today’s teens are less likely than previous generations to date, have sex, and drink alcohol. One of the most positive youth trends in recent years is the teen birth rate hit an all time low in 2015. In essence, adolescence is now an extension of childhood where in previous generations it was the beginning of adulthood. The question that needs to be asked is, “Are today’s teens prepared to go to college or enter the workforce?”. Teens admit they are scared of the responsibility of being an adult and college staff see current students at being less independent and responsible. They still rely on their parents for many things including course selection and laundry.

What can we, as parents, do?

Encourage your children to see their friends IN PERSON.
Teach your children basic life skills around cleaning, cooking, money management, and self care.
Encourage your children to get a part-time job when they are old enough. Even babysitting or shoveling snow teaches kids responsibility, money management, and how to interact with adults.
Let your children do things without hovering over them or tracking their every move via their phone. Will they stumble or even fail? Probably. But they will learn valuable resiliency skills from these stumbles. And may even be able to do their laundry in college without turning all their clothes pink!

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1/19/18:

Ways to Reduce School Stress

Results of the Metrowest Adolescent Health Survey show that the number one source of stress for middle and high school students in Ashland is academics. Below are a few ways to help reduce school stress. Share with your children, especially the high school kids who have mid-term exams next week.

Take time for self-care. Sleep (more than most kids think they need) and eating healthy are very important in reducing stress. Also, taking breaks to engage in a creative or active activity help digest what you have been learning and process bit.
Learn to change your thinking. When thoughts turn to things such as, “I will never finish this paper/project”, or “I am going to fail this test”, come up with specific phrases to combat the negative thoughts.
Take assignments one baby step at a time. Make a list of the steps needed to get an assignment or studying done. Breaking things down into chunks make them feel more manageable and less anxiety provoking.
Lower your goals. This seems counter-intuitive and does not mean “become lazy”. But taking the pressure off to get a perfect grade can reduce stress and thus lead to better academic success. Instead of setting a goal to get a perfect score, set a goal to put in the effort and feel satisfied you did your best.
Stay balanced during exam periods. No matter how hard you push yourself, nobody can maintain constant focus, and you will burn yourself out if you try. Take frequent, short breaks for fun activities so that you’ll be able to go back to your writing or studying refreshed. Do something you loved to do when you were six years old - play outside, do a puzzle, play a game, draw, color - to counter-balance stress and take a little break.

12/15/17:

A Few Facts About Vaping

Vaping has increased rapidly among teens across the country and in Ashland and Metrowest according to the Metrowest Adolescent Health Survey. Many teens, and adults, don’t know the effects vaping can have on emotional and physical health so below are a few facts.

E-cigarettes and other vaping devices are NOT risk-free.

Although it’s generally agreed that these products are less harmful than smoked cigarettes, there is no evidence that they are, in fact, safe. There is a growing body of research to suggest that they may lead to negative health consequences, including: damage to the brain, heart and lungs; Cancerous tumor development; preterm deliveries and stillbirths in pregnant women; harmful effects on brain and lung development, when use occurs during fetal development or adolescence.

They contain nicotine, a highly addictive drug with known health risks.

Using nicotine, regardless of how it is delivered, increases the risk of addiction. Nicotine addiction is notoriously difficult to reverse, and addiction to e-cigarettes can lead to using other nicotine products, including smoked cigarettes, as well as alcohol and other drugs.

Nicotine can affect brain development and functioning in young people.

Young people are particularly vulnerable to using e-cigarettes and vaping devices and to their effects. The younger a person is when he or she tries nicotine, the greater the risk of addiction. The developing brain is more vulnerable to the effects of addictive substances than a fully developed adult brain. Additionally, nicotine can disrupt brain development, interfere with long-term cognitive functioning, and increase the risk of various mental and physical health problems later in life.

E-cigarettes and other vaping devices are not FDA approved.

Until very recently, manufacturers and distributors of e-cigarettes and other vaping devices were not bound by standards of safety set by the FDA for smoked tobacco products. Despite the new regulations, e-cigarette manufacturers are free to project a risk-free image in their marketing, and offer enticing, candy-like flavors that appeal to children, adolescents and young adults.

There is little consistency across different products.

Until recently, there was limited federal oversight for e-cigarettes and other vaping devices, making it difficult to assess the dangers of any specific product. Across products, there was considerable variation in the nature and concentration of the ingredients, including nicotine and other known toxins.

There is no evidence that the aerosol from these products is safe.

There is limited research into the long-term health effects of aerosolizing nicotine and other chemicals in e-cigarettes and other vaping devices. It is clear, however, that the additives, heavy metals, ultrafine particles, and other ingredients they contain include toxins and carcinogens.

The spread of e-cigarettes and other vaping devices may be re-normalizing smoking behavior.

The increase in nicotine devices and products and their widespread availability is reversing some of the progress made over decades of intense global, national, and local efforts to reduce cigarette smoking, especially among young people.

It’s not always nicotine in those e-cigarettes.

There have been media reports of teens vaping other drugs, such as alcohol. It’s like chugging alcohol. You’re skipping the filtration system in your body and that can lead to alcohol poisoning much faster than drinking. Many teens are also vaping marijuana which is illegal and unsafe.

E-cigarettes are easy for teens to get.

The sale of vaping supplies to minors is banned across the country. But teens have no trouble buying the stuff online.

Share these facts with your teens!

12/8/17:

Add One of These Games to Your Shopping List

As you are shopping for holiday or birthday gifts, consider getting a fun, family board game. There are benefits of playing board games for people of all ages:

Engage in activities that do not involve staring at a computer screen or a smartphone.
Exercise your brain by learning something new.
Improve your memory by keeping track of what is happening in the game.
Revive your creativity and problem solving skills.
Spend time with family and friends.

Below are some fun family games:

Monopoly Empire
Skip-Bo (card game)
Pandemic
Bubble Talk
Telestrations
Over Under
Ticket to Ride - European Edition
7 Wonders
Cranium
Hoopla
Phase 10 (card game)
Sleeping Queens (card game)
Tri-ominos
Apples To Apples
Taboo
Quirkle
Mad Gab
Blokus
Last Word
Funglish

12/1/17:

Eleven Ways to Spread Kindness With Your Family

1. Say thank you to your local fire-fighters or police officers by surprising them with homemade sweet treats or coffee.

2. In line at the drive-through? Pay for the person behind you before they reach the window (the worker taking your order should be able to tell you the amount).

3. Tape coupons to different products around the grocery store — what parent wouldn't love seeing a coupon for diapers?

4. Hand out rolls of quarters at the laundromat.

5. Write thank you notes to people that you don't say "thank you" to often enough — like your favorite barista who always gets your order right, or your favorite gym instructor for creating a workout you love.

6. Tape up inspiring notes inside of dressing rooms, because when it comes to trying on clothes with full body mirrors and fluorescent lights, everyone can use a vote of confidence.

7. Buy a bouquet of flowers for a friend, just because.

8. Pay the bill for someone sitting alone at a restaurant. Or anyone in the restaurant who inspires you in some way.

9. Feed the parking meters for strangers.

10. Create a diaper-change care package and leave it in a public bathroom. At some point, an unprepared mom in need of a diaper for her baby will love you for this!

11. Next time there's a sale on canned goods, buy extra and donate them to the Ashland Food Pantry.

11/17/17:

How To Stop Automatic Negative Thoughts

All kids blow things out of proportion or jump to conclusions at times, but consistently distorting reality is not innocuous. Self-defeating thoughts can trigger self-defeating emotions that, in turn, cause self-defeating actions. Left unchecked, this tendency can also lead to more severe conditions, such as depression and anxiety.

Fortunately, in a few steps, we can teach children (and adults) how to change their thinking from negative to accurate. First we must understand the causes of inaccurate thinking.

Jumping to conclusions: judging a situation based on assumptions as opposed to definitive facts
Mental filtering: paying attention to the negative details in a situation while ignoring the positive
Magnifying: magnifying negative aspects in a situation
Minimizing: minimizing positive aspects in a situation
Personalizing: assuming the blame for problems even when you are not primarily responsible
Externalizing: pushing the blame for problems onto others even when you are primarily responsible
Overgeneralizing: concluding that one bad incident will lead to a repeated pattern of defeat
Emotional reasoning: assuming your negative emotions translate into reality, or confusing feelings with facts

Going from Distorted Thinking to Accurate Thinking

Once these common negative thinking patterns are understood, you can use the three C’s to challenge them.

Check for common inaccurate thoughts.
Collect evidence to paint an accurate picture.
Challenge the original thoughts.

“The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” - William James

11/10/17:

Seven Phrases To Calm an Anxious Child

It happens to every child (and adult) in one form or another – anxiety. We would like to shield our children from life’s anxious moments, but navigating anxiety is a valuable life skill. In the heat of the moment, try these simple phrases to help your children identify, accept, and work through their anxious moments.

“Can you draw it?” Drawing, painting or doodling about an anxiety provides kids with an outlet for their feelings when they can’t use their words.
“I love you. You are safe.”
“Let’s count _____.” Counting the number of people wearing hats, the number of tiles on the floor, or the number of kids in the room requires observation and thought, both of which detract from the anxiety your child is feeling.
“I get scared/nervous/anxious sometimes too. It’s no fun.”
“If you gave your feeling a color, what would it be?” Asking your child to say how they feel with a color, gives them a chance to think about how they feel relative to something simple. Follow up by asking why their feeling is that color.
“Let’s have a debate.” Older children especially love this exercise because they have permission to debate their parent. Have a point, counter-point style debate about the reasons for their anxiety. You may learn a lot about their reasoning in the process.
“Let me hold you.” Physical contact provides a chance for your child to relax and feel safe.

11/3/17:

The Difference Between Stress and Anxiety

Many use the words ‘stress’ and ‘anxiety’ interchangeably, but there is a difference.

Stress is caused by an existing stress-causing factor, or stressor. Stress can come from any situation or thought that makes you feel frustrated, angry, nervous, or even anxious. What is stressful to one person is not necessarily stressful to another.

Anxiety is stress that continues after that stressor is gone. Anxiety is a feeling of apprehension or fear and is almost always accompanied by feelings of impending doom. The source of this uneasiness is not always known or recognized, which can add to the distress you feel.

Stress is the way our bodies and minds react to something which upsets our normal balance in life; an example of stress is the response we feel when we are frightened or threatened.

Anxiety, on the other hand, is a feeling of unease. Everybody experiences it when faced with a stressful situation, for example before an exam or an interview, or during a worrying time such as illness. Anxiety is considered abnormal when it is prolonged or severe, it happens in the absence of a stressful event, or it is interfering with everyday activities such as going to work/school, socializing or affects your sleep or eating.

Learning stress reduction skills can help with stressors we all encounter. Learning coping skills for anxiety can help with both stress and anxiety. Some people with anxiety require professional help. Please discuss concerns with your family medical professional, or reach out to the school guidance staff if you are worried about stress or anxiety in your children.

10/20/17:

We Need to Talk About Kids and Smartphones

I read three articles last week that validated what I have been seeing in my own children, their friends, and teens in my work. I have included the links to the articles below and really encourage you to read them. Rates of teen depression and suicide have skyrocketed since 2011. Jean Twenge, is a professor of psychology at San Diego State University and author of the book, iGen, which examines how today’s super-connected teens may be less happy and less prepared for adulthood than past generations. In a peer-reviewed study that will appear later this year in the journal Clinical Psychological Science, Twenge shows that, after 2010, teens who spent more time on new media were more likely to report mental health issues than those who spent time on non-screen activities.Using data collected between 2010 and 2015 from more than 500,000 adolescents nationwide, Twenge's study found kids who spent three hours or more a day on smartphones or other electronic devices were 34% more likely to suffer at least one suicide-related outcome—including feeling hopeless or seriously considering suicide—than kids who used devices two hours a day or less. Among kids who used electronic devices five or more hours a day, 48% had at least one suicide-related outcome. Let me repeat that, ALMOST HALF OF KIDS WHO USE ELECTRONIC DEVICES FIVE OR MORE HOURS PER DAY HAVE AT LEAST ONE SUICIDAL OUTCOME. You may be thinking, “Five hours is a lot, there is no way my child is on his/her phone for five hours per day”. Let’s break it down for a “typical” teenager...half hour on their phone before school at home or on the bus, maybe a half hour at lunch, they get home around 3:15 and go to bed between 9:00 and 10:00, or later. Yes, they are doing homework during some of that time after school but isn’t their phone right next to them? Aren’t they answering texts and snapchats and looking at every notification that pops up while doing homework? Add it up...more than five hours. And that is just the 180 days of school, what about weekends, and school breaks, and summers? Now read the statement in capitals above again...scary, huh?

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/09/has-the-smartphone-destroyed-a-generation/534198/

http://time.com/4974863/kids-smartphones-depression/

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/11/magazine/why-are-more-american-teenagers-than-ever-suffering-from-severe-anxiety.html

If these facts and the articles I have included resonate with you and your family, please consider joining in a community-wide challenge to make one small change - Do not allow your children to have their phones in their rooms at night. If you think your child is only using their phone as their alarm or to listen to music, you might be wrong. I see snapchats and texts coming to my children’s phones after 10 or 11 o’clock on school nights from 11 and 12 year olds in Ashland. It is happening. Set up a place in your home where phones can be charged overnight and tell your children a specific time in the evening the phones must be there. A friend chose the kitchen counter but switched to her bedroom after she caught her daughter sneaking down to get her phone from the kitchen. It is too soon to determine if cell phone use is the cause of the increase in teen depression, anxiety and suicide but even the experts who think other factors also contribute to this increase agree that no child or teen should have their phone in their room at night, for physical and mental health reasons. Try it for 2 or 3 weeks. See if you notice any changes. If phones are already banned from your children’s rooms at night, try another challenge: Do not allow them on their phones before school, or at the table and at restaurants, or have them “turn” their phones in 30 minutes or an hour earlier than usual. See what they do in the evening if they are not on their phones right up until bedtime. Read? Study more? Hang out with you or their siblings? Or maybe even use the landline to call and chat with a friend (that one is doubtful!). I look forward to tackling this, what some experts are calling a public health issues, as a community.

10/6/17:

The Best Ways to Foster Kindness in Your Child

This week we saw amazing acts of kindness when strangers helped the victims of the mass shooting in Las Vegas. One of my first thoughts was, “I hope my children would act in a similar manner”. You certainly can’t control everything your child does or says, but you can help make kindness second nature by giving them chances to practice, both at home and in your community. Here’s how:

AT HOME

Pitch In

Include your children in regular housework such as cleaning and helping with dinner. They will learn to appreciate how tough it is to run a household and will feel good about contributing.

Respect

Don’t accept being tired or angry as an excuse to be disrespectful toward other family members. Explain why those emotions are okay to feel but why it’s not acceptable to lash out at someone. Calmly ask for an apology and brainstorm a healthier solution together.

Be Grateful

Start this tradition: Every day, at dinner or at bedtime, say something you’re grateful for. This practice promotes happiness, self-reflection, and appreciation. It will help make positive thinking a habit.

IN YOUR COMMUNITY

Support

Lend a hand when those around you need it, like when a friend or neighbor is hurt or sick. Include the children by having them make a card, help out with chores, or deliver home-baked cookies or dinner.

Open Up

Expose children to different cultures and backgrounds through books, festivals, traveling, movies and friends. Remind them that our world is full of all kinds of people with similarities and differences to discover and celebrate.

Serve

Volunteer as a family. When youth and teens serve others, they can see firsthand the importance of giving and receiving help and kindness.

9/29/17:

Ways to Prevent Obesity and Eating Disorders in Adolescents

Below are some evidence based (scientifically researched) strategies to prevent eating issues, both obesity and eating disorders, in adolescents.

Do not diet. Dieting is associated with greater weight gain and increased rates of binge eating in both boys and girls. Dieting is counterproductive to weight management efforts. Dieting can also predispose to eating disorders. In a large study of 14 and 15 year olds, students who severely restricted their calorie intake and skipped meals were 18 times more likely to develop an eating disorder than those who did not diet; those who dieted at a moderate level had a fivefold increased risk.
Eat family meals when you can. Eating family dinners most days was found to be protective against purging behaviors, binge eating, and frequent dieting. Theories for why family meals are protective include the following: families will consume healthier foods than teenagers would choose on their own; parents can model healthy food choices; family meals provide a time for teenagers and parents to interact; and parents can monitor their child’s eating and address issues earlier when they are aware of their child’s eating behavior.
Do not talk about weight. Several studies have found that parental weight talk, whether it involves encouraging their children to diet or talking about their own dieting or weight, is linked to children being overweight or having eating disorders. Parents who had conversations about weight had adolescents who were more likely to engage in dieting, unhealthy weight-control behaviors, and binge eating.
Focus on healthy eating. If parents talk about healthy food choices, overweight adolescents are less likely to diet and to use unhealthy weight-control behaviors.
Promote a healthy body image. Approximately half of teenage girls and one-quarter of teenage boys are dissatisfied with their bodies; these numbers are higher in overweight teenagers. Instead of talking about weight and looks, emphasize what your child’s body can do and encourage healthy eating and exercise.

9/22/17:

Seven Phrases To Calm an Anxious Child

“Can you draw it?” Drawing, painting or doodling about an anxiety provides kids with an outlet for their feelings when they can’t use their words.
“I love you. You are safe.”
“Let’s count _____.” Counting the number of people wearing hats, the number of tiles on the floor, or the number of kids in the room requires observation and thought, both of which detract from the anxiety your child is feeling.
“I get scared/nervous/anxious sometimes too. It’s no fun.”
“If you gave your feeling a color, what would it be?” Asking your child to say how they feel with a color, gives them a chance to think about how they feel relative to something simple. Follow up by asking why their feeling is that color.
“Let’s have a debate.” Older children especially love this exercise because they have permission to debate their parent. Have a point, counter-point style debate about the reasons for their anxiety. You may learn a lot about their reasoning in the process.
“Let me hold you.” Physical contact provides a chance for your child to relax and feel safe

9/15/17:

Tips to Boost your (and your child’s) Mental Health

The beginning of the school year can be busy and tiring and overwhelming. Below are some tips to help your whole family relax and stay mentally healthy.

Focus on gratitude and achievement. At dinner each night, have everyone say one thing they were grateful for today and one thing they achieved.
Work your strengths. Do something you’re good at to build self-confidence, then tackle a tougher task. This can be especially helpful with homework.
Do something creative. Creative expression and overall well-being are linked.
Laugh every day! Laughter reduces anxiety.
Go off the grid. Set aside time each day to put away electronics and spend time with friends or family without the interruption of texts and notifications.
Move daily. Play tag with your kids, dance every night as a family, play a fun sport. Exercise/movement reduces levels of cortisol (the stress hormone) and increases endorphins (the body’s “feel good” chemicals).
Write. Writing about upsetting experiences has been shown to reduce depression.
Spend time with a furry friend. Time with animals lowers cortisol, and boosts oxytocin - which stimulates feelings of happiness.
Try prepping your lunch and/or planning your outfits for the week. Planning ahead can give you a sense of control.
Spend time in nature. We are lucky to have Ashland and Hopkinton State Parks close by. Research shows that being in nature can increase energy levels, reduce depression and boost well-being.

9/8/17:

Some of you may be very eager to hear about your child's day at school only to be disappointed with the reply "It was fine" or "I can't remember". Instead of the usual "How was school?' or "yes" or "no" questions, below are some questions your child might be more likely to answer. And if they don't, that is ok too. The first couple weeks of school can be exhausting and overwhelming.

What was the funniest thing that happened today?
What games did you play at recess?
Did anyone do anything super nice for you?
What was the nicest thing you did for someone else?
Who made you smile today?
Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?
What new fact did you learn today?
Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?
What challenged you today?
If school were a ride at the fair, which ride would it be? Why?
What would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?
If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day who would you want it to be? Why?
If you had the chance to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?
Did anyone push your buttons today?
Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?
What is your teacher’s most important rule?
What is the most popular thing to do at recess?
Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? How?
Tell me something you learned about a friend today.
What is one thing you did today that was helpful?
When did you feel most proud of yourself today?
What rule was the hardest to follow today?
What is one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?
Which person in your class is your exact opposite?
Which area of your school is the most fun?
Which playground skill do you plan to master this year?

6/17/17:

Hopefully the summer will allow your family to slow down a little and enjoy one another. You might also want to spend some time this summer giving your children the chance to practice and acquire life skills. Once they master them, it will make YOUR life easier. Below is a good rule of thumb for teaching children (and adults!) new things:

First you do it for them,

Then you do it with them,

Then you watch them do it,

Then you let them do it on their own.

This list of things your kids should be able to do on their own is a great place to start. Choose two or three tasks for each of your children to practice and master this summer, and think of how much easier the next school year could be!

Ages 2-3: Small chores and basic grooming - Put toys away, put clothes in the hamper, clear plate after meals, assist in setting the table

Ages 4-5: Know important names and numbers and simple chores - Know their name, address and phone number and 911, clear the table after meals, dust, feed pets, brush teeth, comb hair, wash face, choose his/her own clothes

Age 6-7: Basic cooking techniques - Mix, stir and cut with a dull knife, make a sandwich, help put groceries away, wash dishes, make bed, use basic household cleaners to wash windows and wipe down counter tops, order their own meals at restaurants.

Age 8-9: Take pride in personal belongings - Care for toys/belongings, fold clothes, use a broom and dustpan, read a recipe and prepare a simple meal, help create a grocery list, weed and water flower beds/plants, take out the trash

Age 10-13: Gain independence - Make a purchase at a store, change sheets on beds, use the washing machine and dryer, iron clothes, mow the lawn, plan and prepare a meal with several ingredients, look after younger relatives or neighbors, clean the bathrooms

Age 14-18: More advanced skills - Read and understand medicine labels and dosages, get gas and change a car tire, prepare and cook meals, apply and interview for a job, paint a piece of furniture or a room in your house, make their own appointments

6/9/17:

Some Surprising Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

We may think we know what anxiety looks like (shaking hands, shallow breaths) and what it sounds like (“I can’t do this. What if I can’t do it. What if?…What if?…), but what does anxiety feel like? Often, we focus so much on the racing thoughts and emotions that come with anxiety, we forget to recognize how physical anxiety can be. In fact, you can feel physical effects of anxiety without even realizing it’s anxiety that’s causing them.

Gastrointestinal distress
Feeling “antsy” - being unable to sit still
Racing heart
Nausea
Back/neck pain from muscles being tense
Shortness of breath
Headaches
Clenched jaw and/or teeth grinding
Blurry vision
Sweating
Feeling lightheaded and dizzy
Nightmares
Nail biting/scalp picking
Rashes
Trouble sleeping

6/2/17:

Self-Care Ideas

Three weeks of school left! Below are some self-care tips to help you through the busy month of June (and any other stressful times in your life).

1. Call a friend or family member to “talk it out”/vent.

2. Call in sick to work or take comp time if you can. Take a mental health day.

3. Say NO to extra obligations, chores, or anything that feels like too much right now.

4. Dial down your expectations of yourself at this time.

5. Tuck yourself into bed early with a good book.

6. Watch a comforting/silly/lighthearted TV show or movie.

7. Reread your favorite picture and chapter books with your children.

8. Breathe. Deeply. Slowly. Four counts in. Six counts out.

9. Try to sleep 7-9 hours per night.

10. Go outside and be in the sunshine.

11. Move your body gently in ways that feel good.

12. Take a long, hot bath, light a candle and pamper yourself.

13. Knit. Sculpt. Bake. Garden. Engage your hands.

14. Exhaust yourself physically – running, yoga, swimming, whatever helps you feel fatigued.

15. Write it out. Free form in a journal or a Google doc. Get it all out and vent.

16. Create a plan if you’re feeling overwhelmed. List out what you need to do next to tackle and address whatever you’re facing. Break it down into manageable and understandable pieces.

17. Clean up a corner of a room of your house. Sometimes tidying up can help calm our minds.

18. Ask yourself: What’s my next most immediate priority? Do that. Then ask the question again.

19. Take a tech break. Delete or deactivate social media if it feels too time consuming.

20. Spend a little money and treat yourself to some self-care and comfort.

21. Make art. Scribble with crayons. Splash some watercolors. Paint a rock. Whatever. Just create something.

22. Look at photos of people you love. Set them as the wallpaper of your phone or laptop.

23. Create and listen to a playlist of songs that make you happy.

24. Color in adult coloring books.

25. Take a walk in Ashland State Park or Hopkinton State Park.

26. Dance around wildly to your favorite, most cheesy songs from your high school years

27. Establish a routine and stick to it. Routines can bring so much comfort and grounding in times of life that feel chaotic.

28. Get up early and watch a sunrise while you sip tea or coffee.

29. Take your dog for a walk. Or borrow a friend’s dog and take them for a walk.

5/26/17:

Four Traits That Put Kids at an Increased Risk for Addiction

New research at The University of Montreal is looking at how a child’s temperament drives his or her risk for drug use. They have identified certain traits that create different pathways to addiction. Recognizing that most teenagers who try alcohol, cocaine, opioids or methamphetamine do not become addicted, this research focuses on what’s different about the minority who do. They have identified four traits that seem to increase the risk for addiction. Luckily these traits can be identified early, and treatment/interventions can start young to, hopefully, decrease the risk of addiction.

Sensation seeking - People drawn to intense experiences will probably like drugs.
Impulsiveness - Many children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD can be impulsive. This can put them at a higher risk for addiction.
Anxiety sensitivity - Children who are overly aware and frightened of physical signs of anxiety could start having panic attacks. They then might turn to drugs or alcohol to “calm down”.
Hopelessness - Hopelessness can lead to depression which can then lead to self-medicating with drugs or alcohol.

Identifying these traits in your children and teaching them healthy coping skills and helping them change the way they think, may reduce their chance of addiction.

5/12/17:

Weighty Matters

We live in a fat-phobic society, and obesity in the United States is a big problem with major health consequences. Many parents want to protect their children from getting fat, but sometimes it seems like parents think that their main goal is to control their child’s weight, when that is actually very dangerous. Below are some tips and body image discussion topics.

Genetics drive body size. If you are in a larger body, if your partner is in a larger body, if all of your relatives are in larger bodies, then it is very likely that your children will be in larger bodies. And that’s not something for you to control – that’s just your child’s genetic body type. It is important to discuss this with your children while also encouraging healthy food choices and activity.
Don’t restrict food. When people feel at a young age that there are a lot of food limitations, they often feel that they want to binge more as they gain independence in life. Again, guide kids toward healthy food choices but do not tell them they cannot have a cupcake at a birthday party.
Talk about food. Talk about food preferences, satiety and hunger. Talk about good feelings after eating to demonstrate that food is nourishing, not a reward or punishment. Don’t say things like “I feel so disgusting, I can’t believe I ate that.” Or “I’m going to have to work that off in the gym later.” Enjoy your food and help your children learn to enjoy their food. When they truly feel nourished by food, there is no need to use food against themselves.
Allow food preferences. We all have foods we like and foods we dislike. Encourage children to recognize and honor their own preferences. Show that you trust your child and your child’s body even when it wants different things than yours does.
Work on yourself. Parents need to be aware of their own issues. I cannot emphasize this enough: Kids notice everything! They notice when you pull your shirt out because you feel fat. They know when you are dieting, even if you think you’re hiding it from them. You can’t shield your child from your own eating habits, so it’s important that you work on your own body relationship.
Puberty usually means weight gain. Talk to your children about what will happen to their bodies during puberty. Talk about the very natural fact that most healthy bodies get rounder during pre-adolescence and adolescence.
Fat is not a feeling. The minute a kid says, “I feel fat,” which can start when they are very young, ask them what they are really trying to say. Often it is actually I feel scared, I feel lonely, I feel out of control. Fat is not a feeling. What is your child really trying to tell you?
Toxic Society. Talk to your children and let them know that natural bodies are perfectly acceptable, and there is no need for us to feel that we must live up to the airbrushed perfection presented to us in the media. There are videos online you can watch with your children that show how models are transformed from everyday people to the images we see in the media.

5/5/17:

Six Subtle Signs of Depression You Should Not Ignore

Some people with depression may experience very severe symptoms, and seek help. Others may have such subtle symptoms they don’t think depression is the problem. Like the classic signs of depression — persistent low mood and loss of pleasure — these more subtle symptoms can also affect how well a person is feeling and functioning.

Changes in sleep can indicate depression. For depressed people, sleep is not restorative. People may also experience psychomotor agitation which can cause restlessness and an inability to get comfortable.
A muddled mind. Or a slowness of thinking, forgetfulness or difficulty making decisions can be signs of depression.
Worrying too much and thinking too much. This is called “rumination”. People who ruminate get caught in a loop of replaying negative situations or looking at neutral situations in a negative way, or over-analyzing things. Rumination can increase the chances of becoming depressed and make depression last longer.
Weight changes can be a warning sign of depression. Some people may start to eat too much. Others may lose interest in food. These changes in eating patterns may be accompanied by fatigue and a loss of pleasure.
Not being as engaged or expressive. Social withdrawal and isolation are hallmark symptoms of depression. But another symptom to look out for is a “flat” or “blunted” affect, basically a decrease in emotional expression.
Physical pain. Depression does hurt and may be the cause of many unexplained physical problems, including headaches, digestive issues, and back pain, among others.

If you are worried about these symptoms in yourself or a loved one, please talk with your doctor or seek help from a mental health professional.

4/28/17:

Questions to get your kids talking about school

What made you smile today?
Can you tell me an example of kindness you saw/showed?
Was there an example of unkindness? How did you respond?
Does everyone have a friend at recess?
Did anyone do anything silly to make you laugh?
What did you do that was creative?
What is the most popular game at recess?
What was the best thing that happened today?
Did you help anyone today?
Did you tell anyone “thank you?”
Who did you sit with at lunch?
What made you laugh?
Did you learn something you didn’t understand?
Who inspired you today?
What was the peak and the pit of your day?
What was your least favorite part of the day?
Was anyone in your class absebt today?
What is something you heard that surprised you?
Who did you play with today?
Tell me something you know today that you didn’t know yesterday.
What is something that challenged you?
How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill?
Did you like your lunch?
Rate your day on a scale from 1-10.
What questions did you ask at school today?
Tell us your top two things from the day.
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
What are you reading?
What was the hardest rule to follow today?
If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?
What made your teacher smile? What made her/him frown?What made you feel happy?
What made you feel proud today?
What do you hope to do before school is out for the year?
If you could switch seats with anyone in class, who would it be? And why?
If you switched places with your teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?

4/7/17:

AUTONOMY-SUPPORTIVE PARENTING VERSUS CONTROLLING PARENTING

The book discussed this week at the community book read was ‘The Gift of Failure’ by Jessica Lahey. It discusses how children NEED to fail in order to learn, and to gain confidence and competence. Being a supportive parent (versus a controlling one) can help them gain both confidence and competence.

Controlling parents give lots of unsolicited advice and direction. Children see this as “nagging” and it interferes with their sense of autonomy and conveys a lack of faith in their competence to perform the task. Let them load the dishwasher the way they want to!
Controlling parents offer extrinsic motivators in exchange for behaviors. Kids do not need to be paid for basic household chores that contribute to the household. Or for A’s on their report cards.
Controlling parents provide solutions or the correct answer before the child has had a chance to really struggle with a problem. Give children time and silence to think through a challenging task. This shows that you value the process as much as the final result.
Controlling parents don’t let children make their own decisions. Let your child choose the sports or activities they want to try, or the game for family game night.
Autonomy-Supportive parents allow for mistakes and help children to understand the consequences of those mistakes. If we show our kids that mistakes are part of the process of learning, they will become more confident about their abilities and be better able to bounce back from future mistakes.
Autonomy-Supportive parents value the mistakes as much as the successes. Find the lessons in the failures. Help them discover new ways to cope and rebound from their mistakes.
Autonomy-Supportive parents acknowledge children’s feelings of frustration and disappointment. Validate how they feel and even give an example of when you felt the same way.
Autonomy-Supportive parents give feedback. Effective feedback guides kids toward seeing their mistakes rather than jumping in and fixing them.

3/31/17:

Tech Talk Tuesdays

Talking about social media apps, technology and how it affects you and your children at dinner on Tuesdays (along with your tacos!) was one of the recommendations in the documentary ‘Screenagers’. This can lead to some good discussions and you will likely learn a thing or two about your kids, their friends and the things “happening” on social media. Below are some more tips and facts about screen time.

Playing video games can decrease sensitivity and empathy and desensitize kids to violence.
Pro-social video games (in which characters help each other or work together to solve a problem) can increase helping behaviors in life. There are positives!
Use of smartphones has led to a decrease in conversations and eye contact.
Screen time can be addictive. Treatment centers are opening to help people “detox” from screens.
Set limits on technology time. The American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines recommend limiting the amount of total entertainment screen time for all children to less than one to two hours per day.
Power-down for one hour before bed. Research shows that children fall asleep quicker and sleep better if they are off screens for one hour before bed. Choose a time for school nights (maybe a bit later on weekends) that phones/tablets/computers will be handed to parents to charge for the night. In my house, if phones are not on the kitchen counter by 7:45pm, they lose their phone for the next 24 hours.
Make family meals tech free. This includes the parents! And includes meals at restaurants.
Be a good role model. If you want your kids to stay off of media, then you have to do it too. Put down your phone and look at your children when they talk to you.
Do not allow screens in children’s and teen’s bedrooms! Reduction in the amount of time sleeping and the quality of sleep (from hearing alerts, feeling the need to answer texts immediately) is one of the biggest health hazards from screen use.

3/24/17:

Recognizing and helping those who self-injure

Many people think children and adolescents engage in self harm to get attention from adults or fit in with peers but that is usually not the case. The behavior is actually a coping strategy used to control emotions. They’re trying to reduce a negative emotional state, and then as they’re self-injuring, it produces a positive emotional state – they get sort of a rush or a high from the self-injury. Others self injure to simply feel something, and some might hurt themselves as a form of punishment.

Self injurious behaviors include cutting, scratching, opening or picking at wounds, burning, biting, hitting and pulling out hair. Kids often try to hide their behaviors often saying a cat or branch scratched them and wearing long clothes in hot weather.

If you think your child is engaging in self injurious behaviors, below are some tips:

Ask in a very straightforward manner whether or not they’re injuring themselves, and state why you are concerned.

Be willing to talk. Tell your child, “I want you to know that I love you, and if these are self-inflicted wounds, I’m here to help you. I’m not here to be angry at you. I’m not here to punish you. I’m here for you to talk to me.”

Share your feelings. It’s ok to acknowledge this is something beyond what you as a parent know how to manage.

Do not tell your child that he/she must stop the behavior. That signals to the child she/he is misbehaving. This is not a bad behavior, it’s an unhealthy behavior. And if you tell your child to stop before they have a chance to develop a healthier way to cope with emotions, it can be disastrous. It’s like someone who has a broken leg and is using crutches. You wouldn’t want to take their crutches away before they are ready.

Do not ignore your child. Some see self-harm as kids just wanting attention. If they need attention that badly, give it to them.

Do not focus on the self-injurious behavior. Concentrate on what’s driving the behavior, not the behavior itself.

Kids don’t need to be hospitalized for self-injury unless they are suicidal or the self-injury is so severe it places them in medical danger. While kids who self-injure have a higher risk of suicide at the time of self-injury, their motive is to cope – not take their life.

The first step in seeking help is to get an evaluation from a licensed professional. Therapy and/or medication could be recommended, treatments vary by case. The good news is, if it’s recognized and they get help, children can get over this and get better.

3/10/17:

Last week was National Eating Disorder Awareness Week so we are going to define and describe a condition called Orthorexia. It is always important to remember that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses, they are not to be taken lightly.

Orthorexia is a condition marked by an extreme fixation over the quality and purity of food. It commonly results in highly inflexible eating patterns, with individuals creating rigid “food rules” which usually consists of segmenting foods that they will eat to categories “good” or “healthy” foods and “bad” foods which are avoided. Individuals with Orthorexia generally will only consume organic, raw and pure foods. Many people struggling with this disorder will become obsessed with “eating clean,” and/or exercise routines, or only eat at certain times. Often times, entire food groups like sugar, meat, dairy and carbohydrates are avoided. A defining feature of Orthorexia is that people struggling will opt NOT to eat if the only food available are those deemed as “impure” or processed. These rigid food rules and behaviors can often result in an unbalanced diet and inadequate caloric intake. Many cases can lead to malnutrition, accompanied by a variety of potential medical and psychological side effects.

Two key identifiers of Orthorexia versus “healthy eating” is the intensity to which the inflexible eating patterns are enforced, and more so, what happens when someone strays from them.

In terms of the diet, are they cutting out entire food groups without a consultation from a professional dietician?
Are they compulsive in their “healthy” eating habits? Do they become highly uncomfortable when “prohibited” foods are nearby? Are they unable to eat out at restaurants or eat food friends prepare?
Do they make their own food separate from the rest of the family?
Are they losing weight and critical energy sources because of it?
What happens when a diet or exercise rule are broken? Do they become emotionally distressed, feel shame or seek a means of “self-punishment” – restriction, purging or excessive exercise?

Answering “yes” to most of these questions should be a cause for concern.

Orthorexia involves distorted thinking. Many who abstain from a wide range of food types or a more balanced diet think they are helping their overall health while, in reality, it’s likely causing quite the opposite effect. The praise they might receive from being so "healthy" and "disciplined" can also reinforce the eating behaviors but also increase anxiety. Orthorexia can result in a wide range of health risks including malnutrition and weight loss, emotional distress, anxiety, depression, and social withdrawal from friends and family.

If you believe someone in your life has symptoms of orthorexia, or any eating disorder, please consult a licensed professional and/or a registered dietician.

3/3/17:

Coping with Grief

It has been a sad week in Ashland, especially at the high school. Below are some tips to help you and your children cope with grief.

Grief is personal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Grieving does not have a timeline. Everyone will experience loss at a different pace.
Do not use minimizing statements such as, “you were not friends with him”, or “it was only your cat”.
Maintain routines as normally as possible.
Use healthy coping strategies to express grief such as art, writing or music. Also encourage children to be around their peers.

Children’s grief reactions can differ depending on age and developmental level.

At the preschool level you might see regressive behaviors, decreased verbalization or increased anxiety.

At the elementary level children may have decreased academic performance and attendance and trouble concentrating. They could be more irritable or aggressive and exhibit behavior changes. They may have somatic complaints such as trouble sleeping or eating, and may want to repeatedly re-tell the event.

At the middle and high school level you could see decreased academic performance and attendance and trouble concentrating. Children may avoid social events or withdraw from peers and may engage in high risk behaviors or substance abuse. They may also have nightmares, flashbacks, emotional numbing or depression.

While these are all normal reactions to grief, if they become extreme, long-term or are distressing to you or your child, please seek professional help.

2/10/17:

Seven things middle school aged kids should be able to do on their own

Parents of younger children can start laying the groundwork for these things now.

Get up, dressed, and washed on their own.
Make their own breakfast.
Make their own lunch.
Do homework on their own.
Do some cooking and cleaning.
Choose their own electives and extra-curricular activities.
Talk to teachers to get clarification on assignments, to ask for help, to ask questions about comments and grades received.

2/3/17:

Seven Ways to Reduce Sugar in your Family’s Diet

Many Americans eat well above the daily recommended amount (48 grams) of sugar on a daily basis. High added sugar intake has been linked to many health conditions which last into adulthood including dental cavities, obesity, Type 2 diabetes, and heart disease. Let’s not cut out birthday cake, ice cream on a hot summer day, or homemade chocolate chip cookies. Instead try to reduce sugar in the things you and your family eat daily.

Next time you go to the grocery store, take some extra time to READ LABELS. You might be surprised to see that there is added sugar in foods such as bread, condiments, salad dressing, and potato chips. On a nutrition label sugar may appear under many names. Some of the most common ones include cane sugar, evaporated cane juice, corn syrup, high-fructose corn syrup, raw sugar and crystal solids. And, don't forget brown sugar, honey, maple syrup and brown rice syrup. Below are a few places to start cutting added sugar out of your family’s diet:

Breakfast - Typically breakfasts in the US are loaded with sugar - pancakes, waffles, cereal, packaged oatmeal, muffins, flavored yogurt. Think “outside the box” with breakfast. Foods such as cheese, nuts, crackers, and fruit or even leftovers from dinner likely have a lot less sugar than the above breakfast foods.
Sugary Drinks - No one needs sweetened drinks. Period. These include juice (even those labeled 100% juice), soda, lemonade, sports drinks, and caramel macchiatos topped with whipped cream. Water and milk are all kids need (parents are allowed coffee!).
Bread - Read labels. There are choices with no added sugar.
Yogurt - Fruited yogurt is loaded with sugar. It should be considered a dessert or treat. Plain yogurt with fruit is a good substitute.
Chips - The less ingredients in chips, the better. Look for chips with just potatoes, oil and salt.
Granola bars - Many granola bars have as much sugar as candy bars. Look for granola bars with nuts, dark chocolate, and less added sugar.
Peanut Butter - Most brand name peanut butters have sugar added. Look for ones made with only peanuts and salt.

1/29/17:

7 ways to create a safe environment for the truth

Lying can be a frustrating challenge for parents, but fortunately it’s one we can fix with a few adjustments to our parenting style. Let’s first take a look at why kids lie. One of the most obvious reasons for lying is to avoid punishment or an unpleasant outcome. Another reason is to avoid disappointing their their parents. And finally, kids always want a reaction, so they’ll tell outlandish stories to impress you or others.

Instead of doling out punishment for every fib, we want to make sure to create a safe environment for the truth. Below are seven ways to do that.

1. Be aware of how you respond to misbehavior in general. If your kids are worried about being punished or yelled at when they mess up, they won’t feel safe telling you the truth.

2. Allow your child to save face. Don’t give your child the opportunity to fib by asking questions to which you already know the answer. For example, instead of asking, "Did you finish your homework?" try, "What are your plans for finishing your homework?" If your child hasn’t completed his homework, he/she can save face by focusing on a plan of action rather than inventing a story.

3. Focus on the feeling. When your child is being dishonest, try to understand what made him feel that he couldn’t be honest with you. Instead of calling him out about the lie, try, "That sounds like a bit of a story to me. You must have felt afraid to tell me the truth. Let’s talk about that."

4. Acknowledge and appreciate honesty. Express encouragement when your kids tell the truth. "That must have been difficult for you to tell me what really happened. I admire your courage for telling the truth."

5. Celebrate mistakes. Think of mistakes as a way to learn to make better choices in the future. If kids know that you won’t be angry or disappointed when they mess up, they’ll be more likely to share honestly.

6. Reinforce unconditional love. Make sure your kids know that while you sometimes don’t like their behavior, there isn’t anything they could possibly do that would change your love for them.

7. Watch your white lies. Remember that young ears and eyes are always tuned in. Your words and actions set the example for acceptable behavior.

1/13/17:

TIPS TO IMPROVE STUDY SKILLS

Block off time to study outside of class - Just like scheduling sports and activities, schedule study/homework time.
Use your peers - Work with classmates to better absorb material and learn to work together on projects.
Get organized - Use a planner/calendar.
Get enough sleep
Eliminate distractions - Disconnect from social media when studying and put phones/computers/tablets away unless needed for studying.
Eat right and stay active
Stop Procrastinating

1/6/17:

WAYS TO ADDRESS THOSE OLDER THAN YOU

Address Them Properly

Use the name they want to be called. Unless they tell you otherwise, call them Mr. or Ms., followed by their last name. If they want you to call them by their first name, honor their request.

Shake Hands

If you are meeting this person for the first time or if you haven't seen him or her in a while, shake hands. This is such a simple yet friendly gesture that lets the person know you have manners, and you're not afraid to use them.

Speak Clearly and Without Slang

Your friends might understand mumblings filled with the latest slang, but don't expect someone much older than you to get what you are trying to say.

Make Eye Contact and Smile

When approaching or greeting your elders, always make eye contact. This shows that you acknowledge their presence. A warm smile from you can make this person's otherwise dreary day much brighter.

Offer Assistance

When an elderly person approaches an entrance to a building, hold the door and allow him or her to go first. Offer to reach something on a high or low shelf in a store or at home. Be aware of any disability the person may have and help according to what he or she needs. Any kind or generous thing you do to make their lives easier will be appreciated.

Give Your Time and Attention

Most people who are older than you will appreciate having your attention in blocks of time. Enjoy a conversation about a topic you have in common. Sit down with a grandparent or other elderly person and show that you care. Play a board game or watch a movie together. Feel free to ask questions about their experience, and then listen.

Show Your Love

If the elderly person is a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or related to you in any way, show that you love him or her. Offer a hug and say something affectionate. Ask questions about your ancestors and offer to put together a photo album or scrapbook with mementos. You'll be amazed by how enriching the experience can be, and you'll most likely learn something new about your family.

Show Good Manners

Most of your elders were taught proper etiquette when they were children, and they deserve good manners from you in return. Always say, "Please," and "Thank you." They need to know that the generations following them are civil enough to carry on.

12/16/16:

Subtle Signs of Depression

Depression rates can increase in the winter and even around “happy” holidays. Please be aware of the subtle signs of depression in yourself and those you love.

Your mind seems muddled - This can include a kind of “slowness of thinking”, forgetfulness and difficulty making decisions.
You worry too much and think too much - The clinical name for excessive worry and over-thinking life situations or events is called “rumination.” Rumination can increase the chance of becoming depressed and make episodes of depression last longer. With rumination, people get caught in a loop of replaying negative situations, looking at neutral situations in a negative way, or over-analyzing things.
Your weight changed - Some people with depression may eat too much. Others may lose interest in eating.
You are not engaged or expressive - People with depression often “pull back” from friends and family. Their affect can also become “flat”, or blunted, showing a decrease in emotional expression.
You physically hurt - Depression can lead to physical symptoms such as headaches, digestive problems and back pain.

If you are concerned about any of these symptoms in yourself or loved ones, please see your physician and/or a professional therapist. You can also contact your child’s guidance counselor if you are concerned your child might be showing signs of depression.

12/9/16:

Family Board Games

As you are shopping for holiday or birthday gifts, consider getting a fun, family board game. There are benefits of playing board games for people of all ages:

Engage in activities that do not involve staring at a computer screen or a smartphone.
Exercise your brain by learning something new.
Improve your memory by keeping track of what is happening in the game.
Revive your creativity and problem solving skills.
Spend time with family and friends.

Below are some fun, less well-known, family games:

Monopoly Empire
Skip-Bo (card game)
Pandemic
Bubble Talk
Telestrations
Over Under
Ticket to Ride - European Edition
7 Wonders
Cranium
Hoopla
Phase 10 (card game)
Sleeping Queens (card game)
Tri-ominos

12/2/16:

Five Quick Ways to Reduce Stress

Everyone has moments of stress or worry, even children as young as preschool age. Below are five easy “in the moment” ways for you and your child to cope with a stressful situation.

Take a deep breath: Sit up straight, eyes closed, with a hand on your belly. Slowly inhale through your nose, feeling the breath start in your abdomen and work its way to the top of your head. Reverse the process as you exhale through your mouth.
Listen to Music: Research shows that listening to soothing music can lower blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety.
Get moving: All forms of exercise, including yoga and walking, can ease depression and anxiety by helping the brain release feel-good chemicals.
Do a Full Body Stretch: Stand up, raise your hands over your head, and stretch your body while you take slow, deep breaths.
Be Grateful: Thinking about, or saying out loud, one or two things you are grateful for can cancel out negative thoughts and worries.

11/18/16:

TIPS FOR INSTILLING GRATITUDE IN YOUR CHILDREN

Name your blessings - Have a moment of thanks each day when everyone names one thing they are thankful for.
Be a grateful parent - Tell your children why you are grateful to have them.
Resist the urge to shower your kids with too much “stuff” - Buying kids whatever they want, whenever they want, dilutes the gratitude impulse and it can mean that they don’t learn to value or respect their possessions.
Have kids pitch in when they want something new - When kids take the time to save up, they gain an understanding of the value of a dollar by working toward what they want.
Set a good example by saying “thank you” sincerely and often
Have kids hand-write thank you notes
Encourage children to give back - When children give their time and energy to help others, they’re less likely to take things like health, home and family for granted.
Insist on politeness and respect all around

11/10/16:

Signs of a healthy teen (or adult) relationship

Mutual respect - Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person's boundaries.
Trust - It's ok to get a little jealous sometimes, jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.
Support - In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you go through something difficult and also there to celebrate your accomplishments.
Fairness/equality - You need to have give and take in your relationship. Things get bad when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.
Separate identities- Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.
Good communication - Speak honestly and openly and do not keep your feelings bottled up.

11/4/16:

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RUDE, MEAN AND BULLYING

Being rude is inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else. In children this takes the form of things such as burping in someone's face, jumping ahead in line, bragging about achieving the highest grade, or throwing a crushed up pile of leaves in someone's face. Incidents of rudeness are usually spontaneous, unplanned, based on thoughtlessness, poor manners or narcissism, but not meant to actually hurt someone.

Being mean involves purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice). Unlike unthinking rudeness, mean behavior very much aims to hurt someone. Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down.

Bullying is intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power. Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse, even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop. DIfferent kinds of bullying include physical and verbal aggression, social exclusion, hazing, rumor spreading, and cyberbullying. The key aspect to all of them is the ongoing nature of the behavior, which leaves the victims feeling powerless and fearful.

It is important for parents to remember that children depend on a non-jaded adult's ability to discern between rudeness at the bus stop and life-altering bullying. And to talk with their children about the different meanings and motivations of each.

10/28/16:

Protecting Childhood and Family Relationships in the Digital Age

Create a family media use contract - Write up rules and guidelines about what when, how, where and for how long different screen activities are ok.
Keep car time for talking - In the car, you have a captive audience. Use this time to chat with your children rather than talking on your phone or allowing them to text or play games.
Put away your smartphone when your kids walk in the house (or get in the car) from school - Nothing says “you don’t matter that much,” or “everyone and everything else is more important than you,” than having a parent or caregiver pull up for pickup but hardly look up from a call or texting.
Make meal time screen free - This includes breakfast!
No screens in the bedroom - Have children charge their devices downstairs or in their parent’s bedroom.

10/21/16:

The six C’s of building resilience

Competence: Give children opportunities to develop important life skills. This makes them feel proud and competent.

Confidence: Help your children build the confidence to be able to navigate the world, think outside the box, and recover from challenges. If we “save” them from every challenge they will not feel confident in their abilities.

Connection: Connections with other people, schools, and the community gives children the security to venture out into the community, try new things, and give back to their community and/or others.

Character: Children need a clear sense of right and wrong and a commitment to integrity.

Coping: Young people who possess a variety of healthy coping strategies will be less likely to turn to unhealthy or even dangerous quick fixes when stressed.

Control: Children who understand that privileges and respect are earned through demonstrated responsibility will learn to make wise choices and feel a sense of control.

10/7/16:

When you ask your child "How was school today?", does he/she mumble "good" or "fine"? Below are some questions to ask that might get you more than a one-word answer.

What was the funniest thing that happened today?

What games did you play at recess?

Did anyone do anything super nice for you?

What was the nicest thing you did for someone else?

Who made you smile today?

Which one of your teachers would survive a zombie apocalypse? Why?

What new fact did you learn today?

Who brought the best food in their lunch today? What was it?

What challenged you today?

If school were a ride at the fair, which ride would it be? Why?

What would you rate your day on a scale of 1 to 10? Why?

If one of your classmates could be the teacher for the day who would you want it to be? Why?

If you had the chance to be the teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?

Did anyone push your buttons today?

Who do you want to make friends with but haven’t yet? Why not?

What is your teacher’s most important rule?

What is the most popular thing to do at recess?

Does your teacher remind you of anyone else you know? How?

Tell me something you learned about a friend today.

What is one thing you did today that was helpful?

When did you feel most proud of yourself today?

What rule was the hardest to follow today?

What is one thing you hope to learn before the school year is over?

Which person in your class is your exact opposite?

Which area of your school is the most fun?

Which playground skill do you plan to master this year?

10/14/16:

Tips for helping your children develop a healthy relationship with food

Promote a healthy relationship with food.

Make nutritious food options readily available at home.
Be a good role model - eat a balanced variety and amount of nutritious foods and drinks, eat breakfast and do not skip meals.
Teach children about nutrition and that there are no “bad” foods, everything is ok in moderation and/or on special occasions.
Do not talk about dieting or losing weight in front of your children.

Prioritize family meals.
Don’t use food as a reward.
Teach your children to eat when they are hungry - avoid telling your children to eat everything on their plate and avoid strict rules around food

9/23/16:

TIPS FOR BEATING TEST ANXIETY

Now that we are a few weeks into the school year, students are probably taking tests and quizzes. Below are some tips for beating test anxiety:

Know the test format - Just knowing the test format can help kids feel more prepared and take away some of the shock when they are handed the test.
Reorganize the material when studying - Identify the main ideas of the topic, outline the big events and issues, and think about the themes that unite them.
Think about possible questions - Predicting and answering questions ahead of time helps kids gain more mastery over the material and feel more confident.
Don’t spend too much time on one question - Move on to the next question and go back to the difficult ones later.
Practice calming techniques - Deep breathing or holding worry balls can help kids during tests. Practice these techniques while studying.
Accept when you don’t know something - Sometimes the best way to manage anxiety is to accept that you don’t know the answer to the question and move on.

9/16/16:

School, sports, and after-school activities have begun. To help get through the busy days, many of us are probably doing things for our children that they can do for themselves. Let’s give our kids the chance to practice and acquire life skills. Once they master them, it will make YOUR life easier. Below is a good rule of thumb for teaching children (and adults!) new things:

First you do it for them,

Then you do it with them,

Then you watch them do it,

Then you let them do it on their own.

This list of things your kids should be able to do on their own is a great place to start.

Ages 2-3: Small chores and basic grooming - Put toys away, put clothes in the hamper, clear plate after meals, assist in setting the table

Age 6-7: Basic cooking techniques - Mix, stir and cut with a dull knife, make a sandwich, help put groceries away, wash dishes, make bed, use basic household cleaners

Age 10-13: Gain independence - Make a purchase at a store, change sheets on bed, use the washing machine and dryer, iron clothes, mow the lawn, plan and prepare a meal with several ingredients, look after younger relatives or neighbors

Age 14-18: More advanced skills - Read and understand medicine labels and dosages, get gas and change a car tire, prepare and cook meals, apply and interview for a job

9/9/16:

Ashland Raises Healthy Happy Kids

We all want our children to be healthy and happy. This column will address a social-emotional health topic each week. We hope these will be a starting point for discussions and/or a reminder that kids can get stressed and need compassion and understanding. Let’s start with taking care of ourselves as the school year begins.

Value yourself: Treat yourself with kindness and respect and avoid self-criticism.
Take care of your body: Eat nutritious meals, exercise, and get enough sleep.
Surround yourself with good people.
Volunteer: Helping others, or volunteering for an organization you are passionate about, makes you feel good and is a good example for your children.
Learn how to deal with stress: Future columns will address coping skills for stress. Practice different things to see what helps you best - taking a walk, talking to a friend, yoga, journaling, playing with your pet.
Set realistic goals: Aim high with your goals, both professional and personal, but be realistic and do not over-schedule yourself.
Get help when you need it: Carpool with neighbors to kids’ activities, accept help when offered. Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

6/10/16:

Mental Health Benefits of Exercise

We all know that exercise keeps your heart, bones, and muscles healthy and can help keep you at a healthy weight. But exercise also has many benefits for your mental health.

Lifts your mood.
Builds self-esteem.
Improves learning abilities.
Reduces stress.
Improves sleeping patterns.
Alleviates anxiety.
Sharpens memory.
Helps to control addictions.
Boosts creative thinking.
Improves body image.
Gives you confidence.
Improves eating habits.
Fights dementia.
Reduces feelings of depression.
Increases energy and endurance.
Improves concentration.
Helps with self-control.
Lessens fatigue.

6/3/16:

Five Health Benefits of Playing Outside

Improves Vision: A scientific study found that children who spend time outside have better distance vision than those who primarily play indoors.
Promotes Social Skills: Playing outside with other children or going to a playground is not just about running around and being active, it's also about learning social skills, executive functions and behavioral skills through play.
Increases Attention Span: Studies have also shown that green outdoor settings appear to reduce ADHD symptoms in children. Exposure to natural settings during after-school and weekend activities may be widely effective in reducing attention deficit symptoms in children.
Reduces Stress: Spending time outside playing is a huge outlet for stress, it is relaxing and healing. Research shows that seeing green spaces can help decrease kids' stress levels.
Provides Vitamin D: According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, many children (especially in northern states) suffer from vitamin D deficiencies. This vitamin has several health benefits, including preventing future bone problems, diabetes and heart disease. The best source of vitamin D is sunlight.

5/20/16:

How to Raise an Adult

Julie Lythcott-Haims, former dean at Stanford University, wrote a book titled, “How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Over-parenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success”, after seeing many students enter college still very dependent on their parents to do everything from choosing college courses to doing laundry. She has seen parents touring graduate schools, serving as mouthpieces for their shy, passive children, and submitting résumés to potential employers, sometimes without their children’s knowledge. All of this hand-holding sends the message that our kids can’t do this without us. Let’s not have college deans telling these anecdotes about Ashland graduates!

Kids need to go forth independently without constant supervision. They need to try and even fail. And when they fail and look around for a parent to bail them out, they need to hear the words, “You must figure this out for yourself.” There are four steps to help children from preschool age on up learn everything from tying their shoes to doing laundry to mowing the lawn to talking to coaches or teachers about a problem:

First you do it for them,

Then you do it with them,

Then you watch them do it,

Then you let them do it on their own.

A friend who is a pediatrician says they do the same when training medical students: See a procedure, then assist one, do one, teach one. Makes so much sense. Choose a household chore and try it with your kids this weekend!

5/13/16:

Make dinner easier. Grill, make pasta salads, or sandwiches. These can all be made quickly with healthy ingredients.
Move your body every day. Exercise can boost endorphins, increase energy, and reduce anxiety. You don’t need to run 5 miles every day, just try to move your body for 20 minutes every day. Go for a walk after dinner or early in the morning, play soccer with your kids, dance in the kitchen, jump rope - do something you enjoy
Teacher gifts do not need to be pinterest worthy. Don’t stress yourself out making, or finding, the perfect gifts for teachers/coaches/instructors. What they really want is a heartfelt note from your child/family.
Call a friend. Chatting and laughing with a friend can immediately make you feel less stressed.
Relax for 20 minutes every day. Take a bath, do yoga, read a book, meditate, watch a tv show with your spouse or kids.
Hug your kids. Your kids are only this age, in this grade in school, once. Enjoy this time.

5/6/16:

Unplugging

Parents today struggle to balance the benefits of modern technology with the risks. Children seem to be spending less and less time outdoors or interacting with friends and family, and more time interacting with their screens. Because online activities are so exciting it can be difficult to pull kids away for healthier activities. Over three hours per day of entertainment screen time is considered excessive, and is associated with depression, anxiety, social phobias, poor school performance, obesity, and sleep changes. Below are some tips to help your children unplug:

Choose to start your day elsewhere. Start the day without screens (tv, phones, computers, tablets). This might help kids get out of the house in a smoother fashion and eat a healthier breakfast. If they have free time before school, encourage them do something active rather than sit in front of a screen. They will be sitting most of the day at school!
Set limits on technology time. The American Academy of Pediatrics guidelines recommend limiting the amount of total entertainment screen time for all children to less than one to two hours per day. Entertainment screen time includes anything involving a screen that is not specifically related to work or academics.
Power-down for one hour before bed. Research shows that children fall asleep quicker and sleep better if they are off screens for one hour before bed. Do not put tv’s in children’s bedrooms and have a place where all phones and tablets charge at night.
Make family meals tech free. This includes the parents! And includes meals at restaurants. Yes, it is convenient to let kids play on phones or tablets while waiting for your meal to be served, but this does not teach them patience. Instead chat about your day or an upcoming family event, color or bring a deck of cards and play a card game while you wait for your meal.
Be a good role model. If you want your kids to stay off of media, then you have to do it too. Put down your phone and look at your children when they talk to you. Try to follow the rules above yourself.

4/29/16:

Healthy Sleep Habits for Kids of All Ages

Maintain a consistent sleep schedule – Your child's bedtime and wake up time should be about the same every day of the week, regardless if it is a school day or not.
Exercise daily – Have your child make exercise part of his or her daily routine. Physically tired kids sleep well!
Don't go to bed hungry – Make sure your child doesn't go to bed hungry. Provide a light snack such as a glass of milk, a piece of fruit, or cereal and milk.
Avoid caffeinated products – Your child should avoid products that contain caffeine in the late afternoon/evening. Be aware caffeine-containing products include iced-tea, some sports drinks, and chocolate.
Plan up to 1 hour of quiet time before bed – Before bedtime every night set aside up to 1 hour for calm, enjoyable activities, such as listening to quiet music or reading. This means NO SCREENS!
Maintain a bedtime routine - This may include taking a shower or bath, brushing teeth, reading out loud or silently, saying prayers or a statement of gratitude, and a hug and kiss goodnight.
Take phones/ipods out of kids' rooms when they go to bed- The buzzing, vibration and lights of texts and notifications can disrupt sleep.

4/1/16:

Five Ways to Promote a Positive Body Image in Children

Focus on health, not weight. Concentrate on delicious nutrition and fun physical activity, rather than the number on the scale or size on clothing tags.
Compliment kids on what they do, not how they look.
Myth-Bust the "Perfect Body". Help your child become a savvy media critic by talking about what they see on television, in magazines and online. Help them understand that the pictures of models they see in ads may have been retouched or otherwise manipulated to appear "perfect”.
Discuss your child's struggles as they arise. Fight your knee-jerk reaction to immediately comfort your child and dismiss their concerns with comments such as, “No honey you're perfect”. Instead, respond with open-ended questions such as, “help me understand that comment” or “that surprises me, can you tell me more” in order to begin a dialogue about their concerns.
Be aware of how you talk about your own body. If you are criticizing your body or others, expect that your children will mirror this thinking. You are the first window through which they view the world; evaluate what that looks like.

3/18/16:

Seven Phrases To Calm an Anxious Child

“Can you draw it?” Drawing, painting or doodling about an anxiety provides kids with an outlet for their feelings when they can’t use their words.
“I love you. You are safe.”
“Let’s count _____.” Counting the number of people wearing hats, the number of tiles on the floor, or the number of kids in the room requires observation and thought, both of which detract from the anxiety your child is feeling.
“I get scared/nervous/anxious sometimes too. It’s no fun.”
“If you gave your feeling a color, what would it be?” Asking your child to say how they feel with a color, gives them a chance to think about how they feel relative to something simple. Follow up by asking why their feeling is that color.
“Let’s have a debate.” Older children especially love this exercise because they have permission to debate their parent. Have a point, counter-point style debate about the reasons for their anxiety. You may learn a lot about their reasoning in the process.
“Let me hold you.” Physical contact provides a chance for your child to relax and feel safe.

3/11/16:

Cyber Safety

A very useful and eye-opening presentation on cyber safety was presented at AMS last week, both for the students during the day and for parents in the evening. For those who could not attend, below are some tips to help keep your kids safe on-line.

Use privacy settings on apps and social media (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.).
Turn off location services on phone cameras and social media apps. Predators can find out where your child is by location information embedded in photos.
Do not allow kids to have phones and tablets in their room when they go to bed at night. This will also help them get better sleep!
Remind kids only to accept “friends” or “followers” they know. A person claiming to be their best friend’s camp friend could very well be a predator.
Tell your children to never give out their last name, address, age, or any other personal information on-line.
Repeatedly remind your children that any photos they post or anything they say on-line is out there FOREVER. Colleges and future employers can find these.

3/4/16:

Five Quick Ways to Deal with Stress

Everyone has moments of stress or worry, even children as young as preschool age. Below are five easy “in the moment” ways for you and your child to cope with a stressful situation. Teaching kids these types of techniques will help them throughout their life.

Take a deep breath: Sit up straight, eyes closed, with a hand on your belly. Slowly inhale through your nose, feeling the breath start in your abdomen and work its way to the top of your head. Reverse the process as you exhale through your mouth.
Listen to Music: Research shows that listening to soothing music can lower blood pressure, heart rate, and anxiety.
Get moving: All forms of exercise, including yoga, dancing and walking, can ease depression and anxiety by helping the brain release feel-good chemicals.
Do a Full Body Stretch: Stand up, raise your hands over your head, and stretch your body while you take slow, deep breaths.
Be Grateful: Thinking about, or saying out loud, one or two things you are grateful for can cancel out negative thoughts and worries.

2/26/16:

Welcome to a new addition to the principal’s weekly newsletters. We all want our children to be healthy and happy. This column will address a social-emotional health topic each week. We hope these will be a starting point for discussions, raise awareness, and/or be a reminder that kids can get stressed and need compassion and understanding. Since it is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, we chose eating disorders as our first topic.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses.Early recognition, diagnosis, and treatment is vitally important.
Eating disorder behaviors (restricting, bingeing, purging, over-exercising, abusing laxatives) are usually not about weight loss. They are a way of coping with depression, anxiety, trauma, abuse, or other emotional discomfort. Treating the emotional part is key to recovery, while also making sure your loved one becomes physically healthy.
Preventing eating disorders includes promoting positive body image in our children as well as teaching them HEALTHY ways to cope with stress, failure, change, and disappointment. We will address these topics in future ‘Ashland Raises Happy Kids’ corners. In the meantime, for more information on the types of eating disorders and signs and symptoms to look for, please visit the National Eating Disorder Association website at: http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

AHS Principal's News

Friday, March 4, 2016

Ashland Raises Happy and Healthy Kids

Inattention

You might not notice it until a child goes to school. In adults, it may be easier to notice at work or in social situations. The person might procrastinate, not complete tasks like homework or chores, or frequently move from one uncompleted activity to another.

Hyperactivity

Impulsivity

AT HOME

Pitch In

Respect

Be Grateful

IN YOUR COMMUNITY

Support

Open Up

Serve

Talk to teachers to get clarification on assignments, to ask for help, to ask questions about comments and grades received.

Shake Hands

Speak Clearly and Without Slang

Offer Assistance

Give Your Time and Attention

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